First Kiss Bliss

There is nothing as delicious, sweet, and toe-tingling as a truly fantastic first kiss.

In the last few years there have been a hand full of first kisses, mostly really dreadful.

I can recall a kiss accompanied by a very scratchy pair of lips, pursed so tight they reminded me of how my granny used put on her lipstick. Can't recall the guy's name.

I tried to forget the salesman who caught me by surprise and shoved his tongue so far down my throat I couldn't breathe. Even better, he had such a grip on me I couldn't get away. Not quite the "take your breath away" first kiss a girl dreams about.

The most memorable first kiss came with a simultaneous first grope. I should have known something was seriously wrong when munitions manufacturer insisted on buying me a beautiful Tommy Bahama Bikini just moments before. I still haven't worn that bathing suit--I feel so dirty! That was my last first kiss a whole year ago.

Imagine my surprise, when, after a very long time, and at a completely unexpected moment, I had one of those sweet, perfect, absolutely dreamy first kisses. Better still, it was from someone I had a crazy crush on for a very long time--making the experience even more delicious!

It was probably best I had given up on the crush and made up my mind that "just friendly" was the most I could hope for--just hanging out and chatting left me no room to get frantic and find a reason to excuse myself, say something stupid, or freeze up.

In fact, I didn't even see it coming! I had just closed my eyes and leaned back, giggling and thinking of the next question I would ask in our game of 20 Questions.

For the first time in a very long time, I just felt so relaxed and safe--no pressure to entertain someone. Finally, I didn't have to explain myself or my singleness. No pressure to look perfect, or be perfect. Giving up on the crush gave me freedom to relax. Working too much, and a nice Vodka Tonic made it easy to sink into the couch, and giggle while joking around with a funny guy. A kiss was the last thing on my mind.

Imagine my surprise, when I suddenly felt this exhilarating feeling of warm, sweet lips on mine. It was an absolutely toe-curling, knee weakening, experience. It was one of those perfect-together kisses, nothing awkward. Just right. Right away.

Like a pat of butter on warm bread, I absolutely melted into the couch. I was trying to figure out if I was relaxed or giddy. Then, as the second turned to minutes, I just...let...go. My brain stopped thinking--for once. I stopped worrying about my breath, or how my hair felt, and if I'm too dorky to kiss. I simply enjoyed the blissful moment.

I melted into the moment and felt sooo good to just be kissed.

Finally, a perfect first kiss, a purely relaxed evening with a cute, funny, great guy. Can life get any better?

The dating gods are still having fun with me. I must be paying for some past karmic indiscretion (my penance for the Nissan incident?); to put it simply, I can't seem to have a perfect moment without a tragic ending.

Imagine my absolute horror when I have to get up from a warm snuggly situation, where I've been perfectly wrapped in strong arms; legs intertwined in total bliss. I had to leave that cocoon of yumminess to puke my guts out! Yes, you read that right!! I was praying to the porcelain god!

Noooo! This is not fair! But it's my own darn fault...silly me was running late going into the evening, so I skipped dinner. Those two vodka tonics--or was it the three shots of black vodka-- were sloshing around in my empty stomach. My sweet, wonderful, perfect moment interrupted. No make that--cruelly destroyed!!

Eventually, I had the strength to make my way home, where I promptly puked again--this time from the horror of what I had done.

WHY? Why, why is my life a comedy of errors?

So, now, I have spent the day with my head under the covers. Quite literally. There are moments of bliss, thinking about how wonderful it was to be kissed and feel the sweetness of lips against mine. Then waves of shame flow over me, lapping at my toes at first, then overwhelming me, knocking me over. Then the memory of being cuddled on the couch let me relax for a moment. Then, I realize that the best moment of the year, so far, will forever be partnered with my worst moment of the year (at least so far).

Maybe someday, one day, I will get this right.